|Captain Johann Milheiser|
|Appearances||Full List of Appearances|
Captain Milheiser is first mentioned in the episode as the Adolf Hitler Division officer whose telephone conversation with Kommandant Klink is seen being listen in on by Kinch as he would later inform Colonel Hogan and the other prisoners inside Barracks 2 before he reads back to them a transcript of their conversation with the help of Newkirk, in which he tells Klink that he would be seeing him later. He is later physically seen for the first time as he is seen entering Klink's office with his assistant Lieutenant Durnitz after Hilda has informed Klink that they are in her office waiting to see him. After they are welcomed by Klink, before the pair sit down, he tells Klink that he didn't need to dismiss Seregant Schultz, who is at the moment trying to track down the requestion order for 5000 wooden plates for the camp. After sitting down, he informs Klink that he and Durnitz are the chairmen of a project to beautify Berchtesgaden, which he hears Klink tell them he thought is a wonderful idea, and after telling him that he is glad to hear that he approves, he tells him that they are asking for contributions from all of the officers of all of the local units of all the services from the rank of Lieutenant and up. He then hears Durnitz tell him that their final goal is to receive a total of 1 million Marks. He hears Klink tell them that it didn't sound like too much for a worthy cause, and after asking him if he would contribute, he hears Klink say that he is only too happy to help, before he starts to inform them about the commander of a nearby artillery unit whom he says he is sure would be only too happy to contribute. He stops Klink, who is planning to call him, by informing him that they have already visited that officer, and that he has already contributed 3000 Marks to the project. He then hears Durnitz add that he has also given them Klink's name, which doesn't make Klink too happy to hear. Milheiser then hears Klink start to tell them that he couldn't give them any money at the moment. At this point, he stops Klink and asks Durnitz to bring out a couple of small booklets. He takes them from Durnitz and then shows them to Klink, a white one and a black one. Milheiser then tells Klink that the white one contains a list of all those who have already contributed to the fund, while the black one contains a list of all those who hasn't. After further informing Klink that both lists would be given to the Führer, he shows Klink that the white one is filled. He then shows him that the black one is empty, although his name might be placed there soon. He then hears Klink say that his organization is a little POW camp. He laughs at this before commenting to Klink that he might have in the past used money from the funds for the prisoner's food rations for other reasons, which he hears Klink flatly deny. Upon hearing that, Milheiser insinuates that Klink will now be the first name to be put into the black book, and after taking a pen from Durnitz, he asks for Klink's name. He hears Klink start to give him his name and rank, although giving him the wrong rank at first, before he hears him ask them not to jump to conclusions, after he had heard Durnitz's comment about Klink's name being the first one in the black book. At this point, Schultz announces finding the list for the 5000 wooden plates, which produces a remark from Klink. Milheiser, as he hears Klink say 5000, believes that Klink has finally made a contribution to the fund and quickly writes it down as his contribution. As he writes it down, he hears Klink say that it's a mistake before he hears him say that it is a mistake if they didn't think that he wanted to help beautify Berchtesgaden after he hears Durnitz ask him if he had meant 10,000 Marks. He then informs an unhappy Klink that they expect to see the contribution money by the first of the month before they get up and leave Klink's office.
Later, that evening, he is seated at a table with Durnitz inside Hilda's Hofbrau when they are asked by Hilda if they would mind sharing a table with Hogan, who is at the moment disguised as Major Hopple. He and Durnitz tells her that they didn't mind, before they both greet the fake Major, who then orders beer for both himself and them. As she leaves to fill out the order, they sit down, before he introduces himself and Durnitz to him. They in turn hear him introduce himself to them as Major Hopple, before he seats himslf. He then hears Durnitz tell Hopple that he notices that he is wearing Luftwaffe markings, and then he asks him if he is assigned to Stalag 13, to which they hear him say that he is, in a way. Upon hearing that, he and Durnitz comment about their earlier meeting with Klink and about him being spineless, to which they both hear Hopple totally agree with their assessment. Hilda then reappears with their drinks, which they all accept, before they thank her and then he offers a toast to Hilda. They then start to drink the beer as a happy Hilda leaves them. He then stops and spits out the beer while Durnitz claims that it is the worst beer that he has ever tasted. Hopple comments that he didn't so, while claiming that he didn't have any beer during his last assignment. Upon hearing this, he asks Hopple if he has been to the Russian Front. When he hears him ask if they are headed there, he answers Hopple by saying that they aren't going west, before he hears Durnitz asks him about what they should look out for. They then hear Hopple recount his "experiences" on the Russian Front, but when he hears Durnitz asks for more information, he reminds him about security, which Hopple agrees. They then make another toast, this one being to a soldier's best friend. He and Durnitz both say that it is the Führer before they hear Hopple inform them that it is actually long winter underwear, to which they all agreed. After that toast, he asks Hopple if he knew about the beautify Berchtesgaden project, to which he hears him say no, as he has been away. He then hears Durnitz tell Hopple what it is for. He next hears Hopple agree to contribute to the fund, before he watch him give Durnitz 500 Marks. He and Durnitz then commend him for his contribution, before he hears Durnitz comment about the newness of the bills, and ask Hopple about it. He hears Hopple reply that he has someone make them for him, to which he starts laughing, thinking that Hopple is making a joke. He then hears Durnitz and Hopple start to laugh as well, not realizing that the bills are actually counterfeit, before they return to drinking their beer.
Milheiser is next seen, along with Durnitz, standing in front of Klink's desk, asking him if he has the promised 5000 Marks, as it is the first of the month. He hears Klink inform them that he does have the money, but he would need to go to the bank first to get it, but he can't get to the bank at the moment because he's so busy. Upon hearing that, Milheiser tells Klink that he's beginning to think that he might be trying not to redeem his pledge. He then hears Klink deny the allegation, while adding that he just need to get to the bank to get the money. A not too happy sounding Milheiser and Durnitz then tells Klink that they expect to see him later that night at their temporary headquarters inside Helga's Hofbrau with the promised money. He and Durnitz then leave Klink's office.
Later that night, Milheiser is sitting at a table inside the Hofbrau, along with Durnitz, as Klink enters the building, who then approach their table after seeing them. As they talk with Klink, Milheiser sees Hogan, who is once again disguised as Major Hopple, about to leave the Hofbrau with three other men. After calling out his name, which catches the attention of the foursome, who all stopped, he asks the disguised Hogan to join them. He watch Hogan come to the table, before he introduces him again to Durnitz and then to his 'commanding officer', a shocked and now standing Klink, who knew that Hoople is actually a prisoner at his camp. After he hears Klink asks them if they knew each other, and then hears Durnitz, as he mentions Hogan's fake name, reply that they do and that they are in fact very good friends, he next hears a comment from Hogan about Klink having troubles with names, which causes Klink to blurt out his real name, Hogan. After hearing that, he hears Hogan quickly claim that it is actually his first name, before saying that his full name is Hogan Hoople. He then hear Hogan explains to Klink about his uniform before telling him that he is heading back to camp with a work detail, whom he then points out to the three. As they turns their heads, the three see Carter, LeBeau and Newkirk, before he hears Klink announce that he is obviously coming down with a fever, as he sits back down. At this point, he and Durnitz reminds Klink about his promised donation to the beautification fund. He then hears Klink start to inform them that he has actually been unable to get to the bank, when they all hear the disguised Hogan interrupt Klink by saying that he's surprised that Klink has forgotten that he had earlier sent him to the bank to get the money. After hearing Klink ask Hopple if he did, they all hear the disguised Hogan confirm it before they watched him pull out 5000 Marks, which he then gives to Durnitz. He then watches Durnitz count the money before he announces that it was all there, not realizing that it is also counterfeit, just like the 500 Marks that Hopple/Hogan have given them previously. He next hears Klink comment that he's surprised that they would think that a fellow German officer would short change them. Milhesier thanks Klink for the money and as Durnitz puts the money away, he announces to everyone that the drinks are on him. He then hears Hopple announce that he couldn't stay, as he still have to take the work detail back to camp.
The last time that Milheiser would be mention is during a conversation between Hogan and Schultz, as Schultz asks Hogan how he has been able to get the money to help Klink. After Hogan confesses that the bills had been home made, confirming that they are counterfeit, a shocked Schultz informs Hogan that if Milheiser and Durnitz are caught using the money, they would be sent to jail. Hogan, as he's about to head back to his barracks tells Schultz that he certainly hopes so.