Series: Hogan's Heroes
Episode: Anchors Aweigh, Men of Stalag 13
Original Airdate: December 31, 1965
Production Number: 5784-11
Written by: David Chandler & Jack H. Robinson
Directed by: Howard Morris
Produced by: Edward H. Feldman & Bernard Fein

Regular Edit

Prisoners Edit

Camp Personnel Edit

Semi-Regulars Edit

Guest Stars Edit

Synopsis Edit

Hogan creates an officer's club in the shape of a ship in order to get a gunsight and a British POW to England.

Plot Details Edit

The episode begins with Colonel Hogan and Corporal LeBeau walking in the woods near a road close to Stalag 13. They suddenly stop and turn around, as they hear Sergeant Schultz calling them, soon informing them that neither of them should be out of camp. As LeBeau continues up the road, Hogan tells Schultz that they haven't forgotten, before he tells Schultz why they are out there: they are waiting for an escapee from Stalag 5 to appear. After asking Schultz if he would like to be part of the welcoming committee, Schultz accuses Hogan of wanting to see him sent to the Russian Front. Hogan denies it, saying that he would miss Schultz, plus it would take him and his men too long to break in a new man. At this point, the pair hear LeBeau, who warns them that a German truck is headed their way. The two quickly duck beside the road, soon joined by LeBeau, as they wait for the truck to drive past them. As they wait, LeBeau warns Schultz not to tell anyone that they are meeting an escaped prisoner, which gets a reply from Schultz of why would he do something so foolish. The truck then suddenly stops in front of them, before the truck's driver is seen taking off his helmet. As he does, Hogan quickly recognizes him as the escape prisoner, Michaels, that he and LeBeau are to meet, and as he and LeBeau gets back up, he asks Schultz if he would like to join them, so as not to insult their guest. Soon standing in front of the 'captured' truck, Hogan exchanges pleasantries with Michaels, before Michaels apologizes for startling them with the truck, which he says he has stolen in the confusion caused by his escape. LeBeau, noticing the kind of truck it is, asks Schultz how much he thought they could get for it on the black market, which gets a reply from Schultz that he didn't know about any such activity. After Hogan informs Michaels that Schultz is indeed a German soldier, Michaels informs them about what he has earlier discovered in the back of the lorry: A gunsight which uses a computer for tracking airplanes, which Michaels thought would be of interest to London. Michaels suggests that they take one part of the gunsight with them to the camp to send to London, instead of making blueprints, but Hogan suggests that they instead take the whole gunsight with them, which Michaels quickly agrees to. After Michaels asks if it would be hard for them to do, Hogan comments that all they needed to do is to send it along with him, before he suggests that they take Michaels into camp. As they head back towards the front of the truck, Michaels informs Hogan that he finds the entire situation hard to believe. Schultz agrees with him, before he asks Hogan what they are to do with the truck. Hogan asks Schultz to simply hide it for them, before he, LeBeau and Michaels leaves Schultz alone with the truck.

A short time later, inside Klink's office, as Schultz looks on, Klink tells Hogan that he knows everything that goes on around the camp as he swings his swagger stick in front of Schultz. Klink then asks Hogan if he knew anything about Michaels. Hogan, as a horrified Schultz looks on, tells Klink that he did know of a Michaels while he was in England, before he starts to describe Michaels' appearance, which calms down Schultz as Hogan is describing a female, much to Klink's annoyance before Klink tells Hogan that the Michaels he has been talking about has a moustache. Upon hearing this, Hogan tells Klink that he obviously knew a different Michaels. Klink then proceeds to inform Hogan of the just escaped Captain Michaels, before he starts a monologue in which he tells Hogan that Michaels wouldn't have been able to escape if those at Stalag 5 had run their camp his way: with an iron hand, discipline, hard work, and keeping the prisoners busy. Hogan then proceeds to butter up Klink by telling him that he keeps his men busy all the time, before he asks Schultz if he agrees, which gets a response from Schultz that he has really no idea what the prisoners do, to keep hidden what he does know. Klink then asks Schultz if he thought he ran an unusual camp, which Schultz agrees with, but for a different reason. Klink next informs Hogan that he has earlier been given a report which said that Michaels has stolen a truck and was headed for the coast when he vanished somewhere near their camp, before informing him that he didn't believe the report. He then tells Hogan that he thinks that Michaels is actually somewhere in the vicinity. Hogan tells him that he agrees, before he and Scultz hears Klink tell them that he plans to begin a search for Michaels, and will start by looking for the truck, which he is going to put Schultz in charge of, since he is presently short handed. This produces an exchange between Hogan and Schultz, as they both know that Schultz already knows where the truck is, since he has earlier hidden it.

Later still, inside the tunnel, Hogan is contacting London on the radio, as the others, including Michaels, look on. During his conversation with Papa Bear, Hogan is asked by him to send them the gunsight so that they can examine it, which he agrees to do, along with the Commando, meaning Michaels. But, when he asks Papa Bear when the sub would be able to pick them up, Hogan is told by Papa Bear that it can't be done, as the sub is presently out of action, before he says that they (in London) thought that they would be able to figure out a way to get them both to England. After Hogan tells him that they would be able to do so and then ends the conversation, Michaels asks him how he plans to do it. The others, LeBeau, Carter, Kinch and Newkirk also asks him, if more sarcastically, while explaining to him what they are presently facing. Hogan replies to them that he thought that they are all being small-minded. Hogan is then seen entering Klink's secretary's office, before he asks Helga if Klink is in his office. She tells him that he is, personally supervising the search for Michaels. After commenting that it is a break for our side, Hogan asks her if she would inform Klink that he's here, which she quickly does. Klink, upon hearing that, comments that Hogan doesn't seem to realize how busy he is. He then tells her to let him in anyway, before realizing that Hogan is already in his office. Hogan then gives him several sheets of paper, claiming that they are the latest roster sheet. After taking the sheets, and thanking Hogan, Klink starts to look at them when he is suddenly grabbed by Hogan, and while asking him what is going on, he is led by Hogan to his chair, as Hogan claims that he looks worn down, much to Klink's surprise. After Klink sits down, Hogan tells him why he did it, claiming that he thought that Klink looks tired, after having earlier asked Helga if she thought so, before she, via Hogan, gives Klink a glass of schnapps to drink. Helga, after reaffirming Hogan's diagnosis, then exits Klink's office crying, which troubles Klink. After watching her close the door, Klink starts to agree to their assessment of his present physical appearance, soon claiming that it is because of the present search for Michaels. At this point, Hogan comments that this is how it always starts, which gets Klink's attention, before he tells him that his obsession for finding Michaels will eventually lead to a physical collapse, which startles Klink. Hogan then claims that he has seen combat fatigue before, before he suggests to Klink that he needs to relax. Klink quickly responds by asking Hogan that since he runs a 'model' prison camp 24 hours a day, how can he relax? Hogan's answer is to suggest that Klink builds himself an officer's club, like the one that he claims Stalag 5 has, based on some information that he claims he has been given by Carter. After thinking it over, Klink likes the idea, soon claiming that it is alright that he should unwind once in a while, before adding that his club should be unique, representing him. Hogan agrees, before adding that he thought that Klink's men would be very happy to build it for him, before informing Klink that he knew just the man who would design it for him: LeBeau! He then convinces Klink that using LeBeau for his own means would be excellent, before he suggest that he put LeBeau in charge of the planning. Klink is taken aback by the suggestion, having a hard time seeing a Frenchman giving Germans orders until Hogan tells him that it is the joke, as LeBeau would only think that he is the one in charge of the project, when in fact, he would be taking orders from Klink. The two then start laughing, but for different reasons.

The next scene shows LeBeau giving order to some of the camp's guards, as they start building the officer's club, which is starting to look like a boat, as Hogan and the others look on from Barracks 2. One of the guards, Kristman, a bit confused by some of LeBeau's orders and directions, asks Langenscheidt if they are indeed building an officer's club. Upon hearing his question, LeBeau interrupts them, telling Kristman to be quiet, or else he would find himself hanging from the highest yardarm, before telling him to go to starboard and get back to work. A little while later, Hogan is seen with LeBeau, inspecting the almost completed boat, before he complements the Frenchman on the ship's design. LeBeau thanks Hogan for the complement, before giving out some more orders, and then mocks the German guards working on the ship by deriding them as the 'Master Race'. Schultz then appears, and proceeds to ask Hogan what is going on, as the club looks like a ship. But, when Hogan starts to tell him what they are doing, Schultz tells him that he doesn't want to know after all. He then asks Hogan how they plan to get Michaels out of camp, but when Hogan is about to open his mouth, Schultz stops him again, telling him that he doesn't want to know that either. As the two in amusement watch Schultz question his loyalty, Hogan asks him to do it elsewhere, since they're busy. Schultz then asks them what did Klink know about this. Hogan tells him that Klink has given Hogan his word that he wouldn't peek in on their work, since they want it to be a surprise. Schultz observes that he would certainly be surprised before leaving.

Later Klink would appear, surprised by what he see is being built by his men under LeBeau's orders. He stops, before he finally approaches both LeBeau and Hogan, soon asking them for an explanation about why they are having a ship built in the middle of the camp, 60 miles from the North Sea, instead of the officer's club that they are suppose to be building for him. Hogan quickly explains to Klink that what they are building is suppose to represent him, and based on his background, they thought that a Yacht Club would be the best way to show it. Klink begins to agree with Hogan, especially after he hears Hogan and LeBeau both suggest to him that he could take the ship to Tahiti after the war, after it is, of course, placed under German control. Klink agrees with the idea and leaves happily, as Hogan and LeBeau believe that they have just pulled off another one over him. That would quickly end as Kinchloe appears, informing Hogan that he has just gotten a radio report from London, informing them that because of a weather forecast that predicts that the weather would be bad during the following week, that they would have to get Michaels out of camp the next night. Before they could decide on what to do thanks to this recent development, Kinch leaves just as Klink returns and informs Hogan and LeBeau that he plans on having a party on the ship for the next night, which surprises Hogan. A still happy Klink then leaves behind him a shocked Hogan as LeBeau sarcastically asks him if he has any more good ideas. Hogan is unable to answer him.

We next see Helga typing away in her office, just as Klink exits his, wearing a yachtman's uniform. After asking her what she thought of it, and hearing her say that she is speechless, he tells her that he thought that he sees himself as a world traveler, a dreamer, a lover, before kissing the back of one of her hands, and then telling her that she is his Lorelei, before he starts to sing. He stops as he is interrupted by Hogan, who tells Klink that he wants to see him about the party. Klink heads back to his office, followed by Hogan, who winks at Helga as he walks past her. Inside Klink's office, Klink informs Hogan that the party is going to be very important to him, before asking him to sit down. Once they are seated, Hogan tells Klink that the prisoners needed approval to load the boat with food for the party, which Klink gives him. As he signs the authorization paper, Klink tells Hogan that his men didn't have to do this, according to the Geneva Convention, to which Hogan says that they only want to do their bit, before adding that if not for his strict rules about fraternization, he would invite Hogan to the party. Hogan says that it's okay, before he proceeds to talk Klink into inviting General Burkhalter to the party, by claiming that it would be an affront to him if he didn't invite him. Next, several German soldiers are seen carrying supplies onto the boat, watched over by LeBeau and Carter, with Carter telling LeBeau what is being brought onboard, with one box obviously containing the gunsight. They are later joined by Hogan, who reminds Carter to have ready his story for Klink, before he is shown inside Klink's office, informing Klink about Burkhalter's (false) reaction upon seeing the fancy Officer's Club at Stalag 5 during an inspection tour, and him telling that camp's Kommandant to remove it. After Carter tells Klink that he thinks his club is fancier than the one at Stalag 5, Klink leaves his office, while Carter stays in the room, soon putting on Klink's helmet, before finally taking it off and leaving.

A concerned Klink is soon seen reaching the ship, as LeBeau and Hogan wait for him, before Hogan compliments him on his men's craftsmanship on the 'Officer's Club'. Klink tells Hogan to destroy the ship, to the later's faux shock, who then claims that it wouldn't be easy to destroy because of how well it is built. After rejecting LeBeau's idea of burning it, as it would produce ash, he orders Hogan to get rid of it, which Hogan happily plans to. After the boat is placed onto a trailer, to be moved by a truck, Newkirk, as he stands in front of the ship with the others, ask Hogan how they plan to get Michaels onto the vessel and then get it to port, so that it could be sailed to England. Before Hogan can answer him, the group is interrupted by a still worried Klink, who asks them why the ship is still there, before telling them that Burkhalter is only an hour away from camp. He then asks them about the large pipe under the ship, before he is informed by Hogan that it is a trailer, as they plan to hide it in the woods. After Klink informs them that it could then be found by anyone, he suggests instead that the ship be taken to the water, to be left there until the war is over. After he asks Hogan if he is sure it is seaworthy, which Hogan replies by saying that it should be, Klink tells him to get it out of there before Burkhalter's arrival. Klink then assigns a passing squad to make sure that the ship is removed. After Klink leaves, Hogan asks the squad's leader, Kristman, to have a life raft placed aboard the ship, which is soon done by the entire squad, not knowing that Michaels is hiding inside it. After that is done, and the ship is attached to a truck, Hogan pretends to get into it, as Klink reappears, telling them that Burkhalter would be there soon. Klink, upon seeing Hogan getting into the truck, tells him to get out before telling Kristman to drive the boat away, which the Sergeant does, surrounded by his squad, as Hogan and his men follow, knowing that Michaels would soon be using the ship to get back to England.

Towards the end of the episode, Burkhalter, who has finally arrived, is shown leaving Klink's office with Klink, announcing to Klink his displeasure over being asked to come from Berlin and then being given stale food for dinner. After Klink's comments that it shows that they are suffering from the same shortages as those officers who are at the front, Burkhalter threatens to send him there if he is given another meal like that one. As Burkhalter is being driven out of the camp, Hogan arrives driving the truck that Michaels had stolen at the start of the episode, soon giving it to Klink, as he claims that his men had found it outside camp while on garbage detail. Hogan then suggests that Klink contact Burkhalter and give him the truck. Klink's rejects the idea, and after calling Schultz, he tells Hogan that he plans to have his men search the area, saying that Michaels is likely still in the vicinity, waiting to be captured, before he starts laughing, as Hogan agrees, knowing that Michaels is already headed back to England.

Story Notes Edit

Timeline Notes and Speculations Edit

  • This episode appears to take place in late February of 1943. In September of 1943, an AFGIB bulletin was released describing German AA guns and their control systems. What if, in the the world of the series, and allowing time for processing, analyzing, preparation, redaction, etc. (and the weather?), that document had been based on the parts and intel obtained by our heroes?
  • The "computer controlled German gunsight" that attracts the attention of Michaels is probably the predictor fire control system for a German flak gun, or Fliegerabwehrkanone. This device was essentially an analog computer. Remember, the word "computer" had a different meaning in the 1940s than it does now.

Quotes Edit

As Sergeant Schultz looks on, Klink speaks to Colonel Hogan:

  • Klink (As he keeps moving his swagger stick in the air): So, my dear, Colonel, I can assure you, I know everything. Just by chance-by chance, mind you-does the name 'Michaels' ring a bell with you?
  • Hogan: Michaels? Michaels...yes. Yes, it does, yes it does. (Schultz looking antsy.)
  • Klink: It does?
  • Hogan: Yeah. I knew this English girl, Diane Michaels...a beauty. Peaches-and-cream complexion. (Schultz relaxes as he hears Hogan's response.)
  • Klink: That is not the Michaels I had in mind. This one has a mustache.
  • Hogan: Oh, we're talking about two different girls.

After being told by Papa Bear that the submarine is out of action, so that they can't pick up both Michaels and the gunsight at the same time:

  • Michaels: You don't mind my asking, Colonel Hogan, what exactly did you have in mind?
  • Carter (In a fake English accent): Eh, yes, old chap, what are you going to use for a sub?
  • Kinchloe: Yeah, how are you going to get Michaels across all that open sea, huh?
  • LeBeau: Do you expect him to walk across?
  • Newkirk: Gonna put the gunsight in his pocket?
  • Kinchloe: How are you going to get him through the woods with all the Krauts outside?
  • LeBeau: And what about the Krauts inside?
  • Hogan (After being quiet for a few seconds): *Sigh* If there's one thing I can't stand it's men with small, petty minds.

After Klink discovers a ship being built inside the camp as he was expecting an officer's club:

  • Klink: COLONEL HOGAN!!!!
  • Hogan: Oh, Klink. You gave me your WORD!
  • Klink: I don't know what you two are up to, (Looking at Hogan and LeBeau) but I intend to find out.
  • Hogan: I'm surprised, sir, that you don't get the point.
  • Klink: What point? I ordered an officer's club and a ship comes the middle of a prison camp 60 miles from the North Sea!
  • Hogan: That's just the point. We wanted to show the real you. On the one hand, your good breeding, exclusiveness. What could be more exclusive than...a Yacht Club?
  • Klink: I do admit a yacht club would be worthy of me.
  • LeBeau: And maybe some day, Colonel Klink, you can sail away to Tahiti.
  • Hogan: When it will be German-owned, of course. In the meantime, you will have your own private yacht club. E-yup, I can see you there, entertaining, the skipper...
  • LeBeau: ...yachtman's scarf, blazer...
  • Hogan: ...Helga, your hostess...
  • LeBeau: ...soft nights, tropical breezes...
  • Hogan: Uh-hmmm! But in the meantime, you can have you own little bit of Tahiti, right here.
  • Klink: Tahiti? When there's snow?
  • Hogan: You can always wear gloves.
  • Klink (Smiling): Yes, yes. (Leaves in a happy mood.)

As Hogan and LeBeau gloat over their pulling a fast one on Klink, Kinch arrives with some bad news.

  • Kinchloe: Colonel, I have just got a radio message from headquarters. They say the weather reports looks bad for next week. The boat will have to leave tomorrow night.
  • LeBeau (excited): Tomorrow night? How can that be done?
  • Hogan: We can always set fire to Klink's office and try to get him out the north gate.
  • Kinchloe (in a low voice): Hey, hey...

Kinch leaves just as Klink come back.

  • Klink: Gentlemen, I have just had a great inspiration. I am going to give a party on my own yacht club.
  • Hogan: A party, Colonel? When?
  • Klink: Why wait? Tomorrow night. Colonel Hogan, since you were the first to give me the idea, I wanted you to be the first to know. (Salutes and then leaves.)
  • LeBeau (As Hogan salutes back, in a sarcastic tone): Got any more good idea?

Hogan starts to reply but stops. Decides not to reply.

As Klink talks with Hogan in his office, wearing a yachtman's outfit:

  • Klink: You know, we Germans never do anything half way. This party tonight is as important to me as going into battle. (Turns to look at Hogan) Uhm, sit down. (He and Hogan starts to sit down on a couch) You know, you really don't understand us, that's why you're losing the war.
  • Hogan: I'm sorry, sir. It's the easy living that's ruined us Americans. Uhm, we need your approval.
  • Klink: Approval for what?
  • Hogan: Approval to load the boat with the caviar, and the champagne, and the hors d'œuvres.
  • Klink: Permission granted (as he takes a piece of paper and a pencil from Hogan to sign.) Remember, as prisoners of war, you are not required to do this according to the Geneva Convention.
  • Hogan: That's alright sir, we-we-we're happy to do our bit. And besides, LeBeau is experienced at this. (Watches Klink start to sign the paper.) Comes from a long line of head waiters.
  • Klink: You know, Hogan-it's times like these when it is hard for me to think of you as the enemy. If it weren't for my strict rules on fraternization, I, ah, would invite you to the party tonight.
  • Hogan: Well, thank you, sir. I understand. And besides, what would the other guests think? (Stands up) Like Burkhalter?
  • Klink: Burkhalter?
  • Hogan: Yeah, you're Kommandant in Berlin.
  • Klink (Stands up as well): Who invited him?
  • Hogan: You didn't invite General Burkhalter? (Sees Klink quickly shake his head no several times) Oh, uhm, I sorry, sir. (Salutes then turns to leave.)
  • Klink: Just a moment, just a moment. Is there something wrong?
  • Hogan: Well, I mean, in our army, I mean, it would be an affront. You know, military courtesy, espirit de corps. Guess that's not important when you're winning the war.
  • Klink: Oh, it is important, it is important. (Heads for his door) Fräulein Helga..
  • Hogan: Get him Berlin. (After making a few apologetic gestures, salutes, and then leaves as Klink salutes back. Klink then closes the door.)

As LeBeau and Carter supervise several guards as they start to load several crates onto the ship:

  • Carter: One case of..uhm..champagne.
  • LeBeau (Carrying a clipboard): Check.
  • Carter (surprised): Champagne?
  • LeBeau (Looking at Carter): It's a going away present for Michaels. It'll keep him warm during the trip.
  • Schultz (Carrying a crate which reads hors d'œuvres, but actually contains something else): (Huff) (Puff) (Puts down the crate) How big a part is this going to make?
  • Carter: One gun sight.
  • LeBeau: One gun sight. Check. (Then says to Schultz) Fill that out extra carefully, will you, Schultz?
  • Schultz: Oh, I'm telling... Why am I doing this? Thank you, gentlemen. (After a short pause) One case of horse doveres.
  • LeBeau: No, no, no-hors d'œuvres, Schultz, hors d'œuvres.
  • Schultz (in a sarcastic tone as he starts to lift up the crate): Hors d'œuvres, hors d'œuvres. (Hands the crate off to another guard.)

Hogan and LeBeau gets ready to go into their act as they await the arrival of Colonel Klink after he had heard Carter's tall tale of General Burkhalter's suppose reaction when he saw the fancy officer's club at Stalag 5 upon his inspection of that camp and what he had told the camp's Kommandant he would do to him if he didn't get rid of it:

  • Klink (telling some of his guards to move out of his way as he runs towards the ship): Get out of my way!! Get out of my way!! You two get out of my way!!
  • Hogan (to LeBeau, looking at his watch): Right on the nose. (Looks in Klink's direction) Ah, Colonel Klink. Just admiring your club. (He starts to hit the ship) Oh, when you Germans build something, you really know how to build them.
  • Klink (in a semi-angry tone): Hogan!!
  • Hogan: Such attention to detail. Perfect construction. (Now hitting the boat with two fists) Yes sir.
  • Klink: Th-th-th-this ship needs to be destroyed at once.
  • Hogan (pretending to be surprised by the order, as does LeBeau): Destroyed? What about the party? What-what about General Burkhalter?
  • Klink: Ask that fool, Carter! Now I want this ship demolished immediately, before General Burkhalter gets here!
  • Hogan: It's not going to be easy. I mean, listen to this. (Knocks on the ship several time) Like rock. I mean, this thing was built to last for 100 years!!
  • Klink (in a panic): We don't have that much time.
  • LeBeau: We could burn it.
  • Klink (and Hogan looks at LeBeau): Fire makes flames, no? If General Burkhalter sees the fire, he'll ask questions, no? Flames make ashes, no?
  • LeBeau (as he salutes): Yes, sir! Flames make ashes.
  • Hogan: Marvelous. Clear thinking. (Looks at Klink) Well, I'm sure you'll come up with some way to get rid of it.
  • Klink: I have! Since my men built it, it's up to you and your men to get rid of it at once! Now, that is an order! Get rid of it at once!
  • Hogan: Yes, sir. (looks at LeBeau) Get rid of it at once! (making fun of Klink as he says it)
  • LeBeau: Get rid of it at once. (saying it to the ship's figurehead, also making fun of Klink)

Bloopers Edit

External links Edit

Previous episode:
Reservations Are Required
Next episode:
Happy Birthday, Adolf

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